Last week was Emily’s birthday. To say the date hit me hard is an understatement to say the least, and it at least partially explains the lengthy absence in blogging.

If I’m honest, I started dreading her birthday coming around all the way back in June. In the weeks leading up to the “big day,” I asked myself time and time again, “How do you celebrate a person’s birthday without them?” and everything I would come up with somehow felt inadequate.

Yet, whether I liked it or not, the day was finally upon us, and there was no avoiding it.

Birthdays Were Always A Big Deal

Emily was one of those people who loved holidays. It didn’t matter if it was New Year’s Eve or Halloween — she loved planning ideas and finding little ways to celebrate special days. But, as I soon learned once we started dating, birthdays were really the time when Emily went “all out.”

For my birthday in 2021, Emily got the kids to help her decorate the house with balloons and streamers. They had a cake for me, and Emily ordered food that everyone liked (because she got home later than she planned and didn’t have time to cook). I got presents, they sang to me and made me blow out candles… it was probably the best birthday I’d had in over a decade.

For each of the kids’ birthdays that next spring, Emily made these incredible cupcakes (she loved to decorate cakes). She insisted on getting the kids presents on her own, and she nailed them both. She helped plan their parties, selected a theme they’d like, and made sure we had more than enough decorations. When I say this girl didn’t mess around with birthdays, I mean it.

Then, of course, there was her own birthday filled with its own traditions. Every year for her birthday, her dad typically made his delicious (should be famous) red velvet cake. Emily often decorated the cake herself, and everyone who was present enjoyed a slice. Even though we couldn’t go home to Knoxville for her exact birthday in 2021 or 2022, I made sure we still had some sort of red velvet cake, and her dad still made one for her whenever he had the chance.

Honestly, I can’t say for sure why Emily was so in love with birthdays. Part of it just fits her personality of loving to make people feel good and care for them. But, also, I think that everything became that much more exciting after the transplant, and I think she basically just decided to do everything full out after that point.

Regardless, I did love the way she cared so much about birthdays, and it felt good to shower her on her own birthday, too. The look of pure joy on her face when she opened presents from the kids was one of my favorite things to see.

The Final Birthday

I remember Emily’s 26th birthday especially well because I had tried my very best to make it a big deal for Emily. Because of her new job schedule, Emily had to work on her actual birthday, which was sad. We originally planned to celebrate her birthday with her parents over the 4th of July because of this, but then I somehow caught COVID at the end of June. (I leave the house the least out of the four of us… it made zero sense.)

So, the kids and I planned out the perfect birthday evening for Emily on her actual birthday. We made salmon, asparagus, and mashed potatoes. We picked up a red velvet cake from Publix. The kids each had a budget and selected their own presents. One got her a “relaxing day off kit” with coffee and a mug, a fuzzy blanket, and a book; the other one got two plants and pots for them so they could “grow plants together.” Then, I got a small present to distract her with while having the plan to announce to her that I got us Demi Lovato tickets.

Her reactions to everything that night were priceless. The kids were so proud of themselves for making Emily so happy, and I was too. As the kids would say, “Emily is so nice to us all the time, and she deserves something special.”

Of course, we never anticipated it being her final birthday, nor does it make me happy now to know that’s all we did for her that day. But, given our assumption that we’d have 40+ more years to spoil Emily, I thought it was a pretty great day.

How We Decided to Remember Her This Year

Everyone I talked to about Emily’s birthday had similar advice: do something and don’t be alone. Eventually, I decided on two courses of action:

1. The Saturday before her birthday would be “Emily Day” with the kids, and we’d plan a day of Emily things to do and eat.
2. On her actual birthday (a Monday this year), I would go up to Knoxville to visit her parents and spend time at the cemetery with her.

It was a perfect plan in my opinion, and Saturday was really great. The kids and I went to a coffee shop that has games so we could drink coffee and try out games Emily would have liked. One of Emily’s friends even joined us, which was great. Then, we picked up food from a local TexMex place (Blue Coast Burrito) and watched “Mean Girls” (a movie Emily liked). We got dessert, spent time outside, and ended the day with “introvert time” before bed.

On Monday, I did three things for Emily: visited the cemetery, ate red velvet cake, and enjoyed a glass of wine. At the cemetery, I talked to her a lot about how unreal this all seemed. I also played a few select songs from “Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)” since it released just in time for her birthday. As always, I asked her questions and got no answers, but I guess that’s how our communication works now.

Overall, I think the two days were as close to what Emily would have done as I could possibly get. And that’s what matters because Emily loved celebrating birthdays.