September 30. It’s here. It’s a day that will always hold a special place in my heart because it’s the day Emily made me the happiest woman alive. It’s one of those special days that makes it even harder to normal to accept the fact that she’s gone.

Because, on this day just one year ago, I asked Emily to marry me (and she said yes).

I’ve spent the entire day trying to figure out what to write. Then, this evening, I realized that I haven’t written a blog post about the proposal story from start to finish. Given today’s date, it seemed like the perfect way to reflect on everything I can recall about September 30, 2022, and the events leading up to it.

Picking a Perfect Ring

I remember the exact moment I knew I wanted to ask Emily to marry me. We’d only been dating for a couple of months, and we were over at her apartment one evening watching Cruel Summer. Because I’m terrible at keeping secrets, I looked at her and asked for her opinions about marriage. Her response made two things very clear: 1) She definitely felt the same way, and 2) She wanted to finish her master’s degree before she’d even consider “putting a ring on it.”

So, I waited.

In the months that followed, Emily slowly shared wedding ideas with me. It was obvious she was the girl who plans their whole wedding during childhood, and I found it adorable.

As we approached the one year mark in our relationship and Emily’s graduation, these wedding ideas turned into picture messages of rings, nights of pinning ideas on a Pinterest board, and her dancing around the kitchen saying, “I’m gonna marry my babe one day.”

I took all the hints and started looking for the perfect ring for my perfect partner. (Note: I am fully aware Emily was not a perfect person, but I still believe she is the perfect partner for me.) I discovered a company who ethically sources their diamonds and had ring options that closely matched the hints she shared with me. I selected a rose gold band (so Emily) and kept the diamond small (per her request).

And, on April 29, 2022, I had the ring in my hand. I just needed to plan the perfect way to ask.

Plans Often Fall Apart

By late May, I had started visualizing the perfect proposal at Emily’s favorite place: the beach. The kids and I were invited to join the Hardin Family Vacation to Hutchinson Island, Florida in early August. And, based on conversations I had with Emily when she went on this same trip last year, I knew exactly where I should “pop the question.”

Emily’s favorite beach in the area is near the House of Refuge Museum. The beach is incredible. The waves blow up into the rocks, and during low tide you can go walk through them. So, my plan was simple: I’d have one of the kids distract Emily, tell her to go find me, and then I’d ask.

But, unfortunately, the general idea of proposing on the beach during family vacation was clearly a good one. So good in fact that Emily’s brother had a similar idea. When Emily said, “Brian is going to propose to Gabi during vacation!” I knew I’d need to develop a new plan.

The Music of Our Hearts

I spent nearly two months after that trying to plan the perfect proposal. Yet, no ideas I created seemed right. Then one day, a plan fell into my lap.

The Nashville Symphony called with a ticket offer I couldn’t refuse — I had credits for two free tickets. I looked at the schedule, and saw the perfect event: Holst’s “The Planets” during the last weekend of September. Gustav Holst was one of Emily’s favorite composers, and even the kids love The Planets. So, I purchased the tickets and asked the kids what they thought of my new idea. They agreed it was a perfect proposal plan, and I set the plans in motion.

I emailed someone on the NSO staff and asked if they had recommendations on a “best” location to propose and if I needed any approval to do so. Then, the countdown began.

I really tried to plan out a sentimental speech and picked the perfect outfit. But then, when the day arrived, I felt so anxious! This anxiety continued to build, and by the time the kids and I arrived at the symphony hall, I could barely breathe.

The kids and I went to the outdoor courtyard, and they said I should propose near the fountain “because Emily loves water.” And then, we waited.

Emily met us there after work. I remember the moment she walked out into the courtyard: she looked absolutely gorgeous. I grabbed her hands, looked into her eyes, and forgot everything I planned to say. So, I just told her how happy she made me and that I love her. Then I got down on one knee, opened the ring box, and asked that all-important question: “Emily Marie, will you marry me?”

She responded with one word, “Yes!”

The concert was incredible, but we both spent a lot of it looking at the ring and looking at each other. I just remember feeling so happy and at peace.

If Only My Heart Could Beat Again

I can tell you with 100% certainty that a piece of me died along with Emily in the early morning hours of October 19 last year.

But, just a few hours before that, I got to see just how happy Emily was about our engagement as she shared the story with virtually anyone who noticed her ring and asked.

I’m not going to lie, I’m hurting. Most days, I barely feel alive. But, in this moment, I want to forget all of that and simply latch onto the moment I got down on one knee and asked the love of my life to marry me. I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but I can’t help but wonder if Emily made it to October of last year just so she could have the chance to say “yes.”