I tried on a couple flannels at Kohl’s over the weekend. As I looked in the mirror to make sure they fit, I grinned and thought, “Emily’s going to look so good in this when she inevitably steals it from me.” And then I realized that, for a split second, I somehow forgot that she’s gone. After almost 11 months, it’s still possible to forget.

I sat there in the fitting area for a few minutes while the kids each tried on things, trying to recover from the wave of grief that I found myself drowning in. As I thought back to the flannels, I chuckled as I realized that Emily was low-key a thief… but only with me.

She Stole My Food

Even before we started dating, Emily and I had this level of comfort with each other that I’ve never really experienced with another person. I can’t say for certain, but I think the fact that our friendship started in therapy played a large part in this.

Regardless, Emily and I frequently ate meals together. Over time, I noticed that Emily had a tendency to steal my food. By that, I mean she’d sample things from my plate if she thought they looked good or differed from what she ordered. Once we started dating, she didn’t even ask before doing this, it just happened. Drinks weren’t off the table either; she’d sneak sips of those too.

I never found it offensive. (Actually, I found it rather adorable and also felt like it encouraged her to eat, so win-win?) I also don’t think we ever really talked about it — it just sort of became part of our eating out routine.

Once we moved in together, this trend sometimes continued at home, too. Sometimes she’d try to pretend like she wasn’t doing it, but it was always so obvious. It made me laugh and it also often made me look at her and say, “Would you like me to get you some on your own plate?” Sometimes she’d say yes; other times she’d say, “No, I just steal babe’s. It’s more fun.”

And, maybe she was right. It did make dinner funny at times.

She Stole My Clothes

Emily and I did not share the same fashion sense at all. We also did not share the same measurements whatsoever. Yet, when it came to lounging around the house, that didn’t seem to matter to Emily because she’d frequently steal my clothes.

At bedtime, she almost always ended up in one of my shirts. They swallowed her and looked more like oversized nightgowns than t-shirts, which made it all the more adorable. Sometimes she’d even go so far as to put on the shirt I had just worn that day, claiming that it made them better to wear when they “smell like babe.”

Inevitably, if I couldn’t find a shirt after doing my laundry, I knew exactly where to look. She often had a pile of shirts of mine beside her nightstand as she’d discard them in the morning to get dressed for work. Of course, as soon as I’d wash it and wear it again, she’d soon enough steal it and say, “Yay! I like this shirt! I steal babe’s shirt!”

Sometimes when she was cold, she’d grab one of my sweatshirts or flannels instead of her own warm-weather clothes. I can’t say I blamed her, as warm clothes always feel better when they’re loose-fitting and extra cozy. There were even some occasions where she didn’t think through her outfit choices and I ended up taking off a flannel or other jacket so I could put it on her and warm her up. This usually amused me just as much as it did her, because I loved when I could care for her.

Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t steal her clothes because there’s no way they’d ever possibly fit me.

She Stole My Heart

Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but I think the biggest thing Emily stole from me was my heart. When I say I loved her completely, I mean it. And, honestly, I still do. It didn’t take long for her to capture me, as I started loving the pieces of her she’d share with me from the very beginning. The more pieces she shared, the more pieces of my heart I gave to her in return, until I got to see the entire person that is Emily and she had made every bit of me fall in love with her.

I never remember feeling this completely heartbroken ever before in my life. Yes, breakups are always sad. Yes, even though I was happy for my divorce, there were parts of it that still made me tear up. But, honestly? Nothing in my entire life has hurt as much as losing Emily has. And, although I can’t say for sure, I think it has more to do with the fact that I gave her my entire heart than anything else.

Losing people we love is never easy, but I think it is even harder when it’s the person our heart beats for. And, for me, that person was Emily. Even when she stole fries from me or took my favorite shirt so she could sleep in it.