It has been a rough week. Monday was the two year anniversary of Emily and I’s engagement, and we’re officially in October. On top of that, today is a special event: one of Emily’s closest friends is getting married, and the kids and I are attending the wedding.

This will be the third wedding I’ve attended as a widow, but the first one for a friend versus family members. Either way, weddings are still very bittersweet for me, especially when it’s a celebration I’m only attending because of Emily.

Surprisingly, in the 18 months or so Emily and I were a couple, we only got to attend one wedding together: my brother’s. However, that evening was such fun, and probably one of the best celebrations I’ve attended as an adult (my uncle’s wedding where they played The Macarena is also a fond childhood memory). And, it was Emily who made it a magical day.

The Queen of Fashion

As soon as we received the official invitation in the mail for my brother’s wedding, Emily started thinking about what everyone would wear. She and the kids decided we should pick a color so we all “matched,” but it was up to each person to select the outfit they wanted to don. Naturally, the three of them all agreed on Emily (and Meredith’s) favorite color: purple.

Emily went with an adorable dress (that she pulled out a few weeks later to wear on the night I proposed). Meredith opted for a purple and white checkered top that Emily helped her pair with a cute skirt. Eleanor, who always loves to sparkle, selected a glittery dress that was more of a burgundy color, but we let it slide.

Funnily enough, my outfit was the hardest to put together. I found a great top at Torrid with purple and some other colors. Emily and I decided purple pants would pair nicely with it, but apparently those are nearly impossible to find (shocking, I know). In true DIY fashion, Emily said, “Let’s just buy white pants and dye them!”

Because we learned our lesson with a previous dye incident (Emily’s bright idea to dye comforters for the kids resulted in a stained bath tub in an apartment), we opted to buy a plastic tub and dye the pants out on the balcony. The dye job was a success. However, we didn’t think about what to do with the colored water after the fact and ended up having to dump it to the parking lot below. I wish I could say this was the first time we’d dumped water from multiple stories in the air… But it wasn’t (remind me to write another post about that).

At the end of the day, the water didn’t matter, though, because we looked awesome at the wedding.

A Grumpy Day Before

My brother and his wife had selected a venue in my sister-in-law’s hometown of Johnson City, meaning we had to make the trek to East Tennessee. Unfortunately, because Emily had just started a new job back in June and we’d already taken a vacation in August, she had to work the day before the wedding. I had told my brother (and my mom) I’d help with preparations, so Emily and I made the decision to drive separately.

Although I don’t at all mind road trips, I do struggle when dealing with my family sometimes. This is amplified during high-stress situations like the day before a wedding. Poor Emily had to deal with multiple grumpy text messages and a phone call as she drove with me complaining. If I’m honest, I was kind of shocked she didn’t dump me right then and there, because I was extra that afternoon and evening.

But, I think one of the things Emily and I appreciated about each other the most was we understood the way anxiety can sometimes manifest as frustration. She eventually arrived, I calmed down, she realized I wasn’t mad at her, and we ended up stopping at a Walgreens to buy “bitch beer” (seltzers) before tucking ourselves into the hotel room that night.

Fitting Into The Crazy Clan

As I mentioned above, my family can be a lot. When you put all of my extended family together at an event like a wedding, you end up with a mob of drunk, loud, Midwesterners with Irish and German heritage. My ex-husband never fit in with my family, and this wedding was the first major event for my extended family where Emily came along.

I worried beforehand, both about how Emily would feel, and what ridiculous stuff my family would do to “welcome” her to the Scullys. I am very much the polar opposite of my family in general: I’m liberal, gay, Protestant, actually go to therapy… the list goes on and on.

But, as usual, everyone loved Emily (how could you not), and I even caught her drinking and talking to my dad, grandfather, and uncles at one point. She fit right in, and my family adored her.

A Bit Too Much to Drink

My family goes all out with the alcohol at weddings, and Emily greatly enjoyed this. We each had a seltzer before the ceremony (my brother was carrying around a beer asking people to drink with him), then we drank the signature cocktails at the reception until they were gone. Emily continued drinking up until we got ready to leave, and honestly I lost count of her consumption after a while.

As we got ready to leave, she grabbed my arm and made our “secret gesture” (our way of communicating we wanted to have sex without saying it out loud because children). Given that Emily’s medications all but killed her libido 99.9% of the time, this excited me so much that I started trying to shove everyone in the car as quickly as possible (we had the kids + my other brother and his wife), knowing my window of opportunity was limited.

Emily giggled the entire way back to the hotel, texting one of her best friends about the situation as she tried to figure out how we would get away with anything in a hotel room we were sharing with the kids. Thankfully, the kids crashed (it was well past their bedtime), and we figured out what we needed to. Silly, silly Emily is all I have to say.

Another Wedding Without My Plus One

I’m incredibly happy for our friends today, but I am also sad. This would have been the first wedding Emily and I would have attended after our own, and I would have loved nothing more than to slow dance with her, watch her shake her booty during more upbeat tunes, and not have either of us trying to catch the bouquet.

Sometimes I wonder if this is my life now, going to weddings as a forever loner. But, I will always have the memories of the one wedding we got to attend as an adorable couple and family of four.