I have done a lot of things to cope with pain, loneliness, and grief over the past year. However, I think the strangest one by far has been my newfound enjoyment of sports. I spent a fair amount of time watching college football last fall, then did a March Madness bracket with my friends for the first time ever. This fall is proving to be more of the same, and I’ve spent nearly every kid-free Saturday watching games.

Now, that’s not to say I didn’t grow up watching sports, because I did. I remember my family always making a big deal out of the Michigan vs. Michigan State football game, I remember the Detroit Lions game being on in the background on Thanksgiving Day, and I remember when the Red Wings took home the Stanley Cup in ’97 and ’98. But, honestly, I’d gotten out of the habit of watching sports after I graduated college. And, as you can guess, that was just fine with Emily.

A Girl From Big Orange Country

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but at some point fairly early on in our friendship, Emily mentioned going home to Knoxville for a weekend. My response was, “Ew, so you’re probably like orange!” At first she seemed confused by this statement (she did not actually like the color orange, nor do I). But then she caught on and talked about how she’d been to some Lady Vols games but wasn’t really a sports person.

I found this fascinating for several reasons. For starters, it seemed like everyone I knew who was “Tennessee born and raised” had an almost obsession with The University of Tennessee’s sports teams (UT fans, you’re welcome, I said it correctly). Furthermore, being in the town where the college is seemed like even more reason to be into their sports teams. It seemed to me like everyone in Knoxville went to the games, so I just assumed Emily would have been raised the same way.

Of course, the more I got to know Emily, the less surprising her lack of interest in UT football (or any sports really) really was.

A Playful Rivalry

The more Emily and I talked outside of therapy group, the more I learned about her family. At some point, a discussion led to something silly that only a person from the Midwest would really know (it was either Meijer or a specific phrase, but I can’t remember). And that’s when we connected the dots of her mom being from Ohio and me growing up in Michigan.

Honestly, I think if we already hadn’t established a friendship by this point, the realization that we could discuss “Midwestern culture” would have been enough to seal the deal. However, there was one small issue that I noticed: Emily had Ohio State items.

Now, the fact that she had these things was hilarious because of the aforementioned apathy towards sports. However, it’s also hilarious because there’s a massive rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan.

Needless to say, it became this sort of joke between the two of us, and it only got better the closer we got.

Emily found it hilarious to randomly make me coffee and bring it to me in her OSU mug. She’d also sometimes put on this OSU tank top she had. I joked several times that we could incorporate this rivalry into our wedding plans, like having a sign that said, “Big Blue to the left and Red to the Right,” or actually scheduling the wedding for the OSU vs. UofM game. Of course, she vetoed the game day wedding several times and said the reception would turn into drunk people shouting at the TV and each other, which is probably true.

As I got to know Emily’s family, this joke about the rivalry continued. I was told it was okay for me to be around the family since I am more of a Michigan State fan, as being green is slightly better than bleeding blue. Anytime I visited her grandmother, I’d tease her about her “ugly red” things, and she once told me I had to leave because I purposely wore a UofM shirt to see her.

It’s all in good fun, and I loved that we could poke at each other about something that, in reality, Emily cared nothing about.

It’s Finally Something We Didn’t Share

If you’ve read any of these other posts or know Emily and I at all, then you know we shared a lot of common interests. Unfortunately, that means that her loss created this massive list of things that bring up all the memories and complex emotions. However, minus the jokes, Emily and I never really actively watched sports together. And, I think I’ve adopted this newfound love of watching sporting events for this very reason.

Sports are entertaining but don’t require a lot of brainpower. You can literally spend an entire Saturday watching college football, and between NFL and hockey you can easily fill up your evenings every day of the week. NCAA basketball takes up the entirety of the spring, and if I get really desperate there’s always baseball.

But, all of it comes with this little safety net that I can’t find in any other aspect of my life — it doesn’t make me cry and long for Emily. And it’s because of that, at least for now, that I’m going to continue using sports as a distraction from the immense pain and sadness I still experience on a daily basis.