As the kids and I drove home the other night, we pulled up on a fender bender almost immediately after it happened. I slowed down, put my flashers on, and watched the two cars pull off into the shoulder. I glanced at both drivers as we crawled by them, and all seemed fine. The car behind me had already pulled into the shoulder as well, so I decided to just keep going.

As I looked back in my rearview mirror, though, I swear I heard Emily’s voice, asking if we could stop so she could help. And, honestly, it may have actually been her, because it wouldn’t be the first time she made me stop so she could check on people after a car accident.

She Stopped for Car Crashes

I’m not sure if it was the social worker in her or her inner Meredith Grey, but Emily constantly seemed to throw herself into crisis situations. A prime example? Car accidents.

I think one of first profoundly personal conversations (aside from the random day where she asked me about my sexuality) Emily and I shared was about an accident that still haunted her in 2022. And although I never pushed her to share more than she could handle, I learned details about the event more and more throughout the years.

Emily encountered an accident on I-440. The woman was ejected from her car, and Emily (post-transplant) performed CPR until the pandemics arrived. Unfortunately, the woman didn’t survive. Emily had to go to the hospital as well to make sure the victim she cared for wasn’t HIV+ or a carrier for anything else that could have been harmful for an immunocompromised person.

Although everyone told Emily the likelihood of her living through that would have been slim to none, she still blamed herself.

More recently, though, I witnessed Emily springing into action over another car accident. It was Thanksgiving weekend 2021, and Emily’s family very graciously let the kids and I also come up for the holiday. We decided to let the kids blow off some energy at the playground, but stopped at Sonic for drinks first and watched (and heard) two cars slam into each other at the intersection.

Before I could even say anything, Emily was giving me this look and I knew exactly what it meant. We told the kids what she was doing, then she got out of the car and went to see how she could help. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured, but one of the drivers was fairly young and more than a little emotional. But, in true Emily fashion, she was able to calm them, make friends with a nurse who also stopped to help, and stayed until the first responders arrived.

She Helped Friends in Crisis

Emily was always one of those friends who was willing to do anything for her tribe. Although this often meant she overextended herself to help others, it also meant she was willing to be with the people she cared about no matter what the circumstances were.

The first time I witnessed Emily be that friend to someone was not long after we met. She ended up taking one of her friends to the ER for suicidal ideation and stayed with them overnight. This meant she was exhausted the next day, but to Emily, it was worth it if it meant someone got the help they needed.

Then, in 2019, I was the one in crisis. Although I handled reaching out my therapist and admitting myself to the hospital, I did tell Emily about the situation. Without me even asking, she told me to tell her when visiting hours were, and came to spend time with me. She didn’t judge me or make a big deal out of the situation — she was just there for me.

Throughout 2020, 2021, and 2022, I watched her jump in to help another friend in crisis multiple times, this time due severe malnutrition caused by an eating disorder. We moved a date night to the outside of Centennial’s ER because Emily needed to drive them. She advocated for them, performed her social work magic, and got them into Denver Acute. She flew to visit them in Denver, helped them figure out outpatient care, and later took them to Denver again when the person severely relapsed.

She Worked in Acute Psych

During the time I knew Emily, she held several jobs in mental health. However, it was the job she took after finishing her master’s degree — the last job she had — that seemed to be the best fit for her. And, as you may already know, it was in acute psych.

As an admissions counselor at a local psych hospital, Emily spent her entire day working with people in crisis situations. Sometimes they were severely suicidal, whereas other times they were experiencing other forms of psychological distress. Regardless, she would work through their intake process with compassion and care. Sometimes the patients would confide in her, and sometimes she’d have to argue with their loved ones to advocate for what they needed.

Additionally, she volunteered to be on the Code Purple response team (violent patient). I personally found the idea of tiny Emily helping restrain a violent adult quite hilarious, but she was actually quite good at it (maybe it was that second degree black belt?). And, unlike some other people on the code team, Emily seemed to remain calm in the moment and deal with the crisis situation well.

The 12-hour shifts were physically taxing on her body, but I know that the job brought her so much more joy than previous roles she’d held in peer support. And, I think a large part of that was simply because she had found a job doing something she was good at.

I’m Not The Crisis Person

I don’t know that I’ve ever handled crisis situations well. However, I never thought I’d have to worry about it again because of Emily — I’d have her to help me through those moments. But ultimately we found ourselves in a crisis back in October, and I let her down. I can’t help but think if the tables had been turned, she would have handled everything in a completely different way and we would have both still been here to tell the tale.

If I had to guess, though, she knows I tried my best. At least that’s my hope.