A couple of weeks ago, I decided it was finally time to do a massive purge and start letting go of some of the clutter that had piled up. But each box I opened felt like it contained tiny landmines. Keys still attached to a wristlet that says “Emily.” A book we bought together on a McKay’s date night. Ticket stubs from every place we visited during our Chicago trip in 2021. The deeper I dug, the more memories I unearthed.

And yet, I didn’t fall apart. Thanks to the coping strategies I’ve leaned on through other painful and traumatic seasons, I was able to not only push through—but actually feel what was coming up, and embrace the complexity of it. Grief, after all, isn’t something to escape. It’s something to move with.

If you’re grieving and wondering how to make it through the milestones and random Tuesdays when a gum wrapper makes you cry, you’re not alone. There are ways to cope that don’t involve pretending you’re fine or stuffing it all down. Healing may never mean “moving on,” but it can mean moving forward with support, with intention, and with love still leading the way.

What Are the Most Effective Coping Strategies for Grief?

Grief doesn’t come with a roadmap. It shows up in waves, in silence, in memories that take your breath away. When you’re navigating the loss of someone you love, like I’ve been doing since Emily died, coping isn’t about “getting over it.” It’s about surviving the day-to-day, finding tools to soften the edges of sorrow, and learning to carry the love forward in new ways.

Here are some of the most effective grief coping mechanisms I’ve learned, both as someone who’s grieving and as someone walking alongside others in their grief as well.

Mindfulness and Self-Care Help in Grieving

Grief often pulls us out of the present and into the past we can’t get back or a future that now feels uncertain. Mindfulness helps bring us back to the now. 

Mindfulness isn’t just meditation (although that’s a great mindfulness practice). You can also utilize grounding exercises, paced breathing activities, or even practice performing chores “one-mindfully.” 

Self-care is equally essential and can also take on many unexpected forms. At the very least, self-care during the early stages of grief should include adequate rest, foods that fuel you, and space to feel the spectrum of emotions you will work through.

Personally, I combined mindfulness and self-care into a single weekly activity that saved me from consuming grief during the first year after Emily’s death (and maybe even longer). Every Tuesday night, I would join two of my best friends for dinner and television. Sometimes I cried and we talked about Emily; other times we laughed until we nearly peed ourselves as we imitated contestants on Love is Blind. It was the one time every week I knew I could show up as my most authentic self, and I would leave feeling restored in some way.

Journaling Supports Emotional Healing After Loss

I started this grief blog as a form of journaling, both because I needed a place to release my pain, and I needed a space where I could preserve every piece of Emily. Writing gave me an outlet when nothing else could. There were days when I couldn’t talk to anyone, but I could write to her, to myself, or just to the universe collectively.

Another man I met in a spousal loss support group wrote letters to his wife every week as a way to stay connected with her and express his feelings. Others I know simply keep a private journal where they can write whatever they want, whenever they want. 

The point is, writing can help you release emotion, spot patterns, and grow over time.

Do Routines and Physical Activity Support Grief Recovery?

Grief shatters your sense of normal. Routines can help rebuild that foundation. Even something as simple as making your bed or walking the dog can offer structure when everything else feels chaotic.

Physical activity also helps move grief through the body. You don’t have to become a marathoner—gentle walks, stretching, yoga, or dancing alone in the kitchen can all offer relief.

Church has been one of those routines for me. It was an activity Emily and I had started together, but I knew it was something I should continue doing without her. So, the Sunday after Emily died, I told myself, “If we don’t go today, we will stop going altogether, and that’s not what our girl would want.” So, I got up, I showered for the first time in days, I put clothes on, and I drove to church. 

Nearly three years later, and I still have my Sunday church routine with the kids. In fact, I am more involved than ever and know a fair amount of the people who attend regularly. I love starting every week with that consistency, walking paths that feel familiar in a world where most other things still feel whackadoodle. 

How Do Grief Support Groups Facilitate Healing?

This past spring, I helped facilitate a peer-led group for those who’ve lost a spouse. It changed me. Sitting in a room where you don’t have to explain the depth of your sorrow is powerful. We laughed, cried, and shared stories about love and loss with people we might never have met otherwise. 

Grief support groups such as this promote healing by offering a sense of shared understanding that is hard to find elsewhere. 

When you’re grieving, it is easy to feel isolated, even among friends or family who have not experienced a similar loss. In a support group, you are surrounded by people who truly understand. You do not have to explain why something still hurts months or years later, or why a random object made you cry. Simply being in a space where your pain is accepted and validated can be incredibly comforting.

These groups also create opportunities to tell your story, share memories, and express emotions without judgment. Hearing others open up can normalize your experience and offer practical coping ideas you may not have considered. Over time, these connections can build a sense of hope, reminding you that while grief may never fully go away, it can become something you carry with more grace when you do not carry it alone.

What Types of Grief Support Groups Are Available?

Grief groups vary in format and tone. Some are peer-led, while others are facilitated by therapists. There are groups for spousal loss, child loss, suicide bereavement, and more. Some meet in person, others virtually. Finding the right fit can take time. But when you do, it can be incredibly healing.

Not sure where to find such a group? You can find grief support groups through:

• Hospice centers and hospitals – Many offer free or low-cost groups open to the public.
• Churches and faith communities – Look for programs like GriefShare or informal support ministries.
• Nonprofit organizations – Try groups like The Compassionate Friends, Soaring Spirits International, or Modern Loss.
• Therapists and counseling centers – Some offer grief-focused group therapy, often covered by insurance.
• Online platforms – Join virtual groups via Refuge in Grief, Facebook, Reddit, or the Grief Recovery Method.

When Should You Consider Therapy for Grief?

Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing when grief feels too overwhelming to manage alone. While sadness, anger, and disorientation are all normal after a loss, you might consider therapy if those emotions feel constant, unmanageable, or if they’re interfering with your ability to function day to day.

Some signs that therapy may help include difficulty sleeping, isolating from others, trouble focusing, or feeling stuck in guilt, numbness, or despair. You may also want to seek support if your loss was sudden, traumatic, or layered with unresolved feelings.

Grief therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to process your emotions, make meaning from your loss, and explore coping strategies that fit your specific needs. You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis—seeking help is an act of self-compassion, not weakness.

What Are the Different Types of Grief Therapy?

Therapy can help when grief becomes too heavy to carry alone. Modalities like CBT, EMDR, and narrative therapy can all be helpful—but for me, what worked best was the Grief Recovery Method.

Working through The Grief Recovery Handbook gave me language for the unfinished business in my heart. It helped me name what was left unsaid and release the guilt I carried for things I couldn’t change.

I won’t lie, it was hard as hell to work through the handbook (especially when you write the goodbye letter). However, I also know that working through it helped me find closure I never would have discovered otherwise. And it was that very closure that provided the peace I needed to continue living without my girl.

How Does Professional Counseling Aid Emotional Healing?

A good grief therapist does not try to fix you, because grief is not something that needs fixing. Instead, they walk alongside you through the pain, offering a steady presence when everything else feels uncertain. Therapy provides a space where you do not have to censor yourself, minimize your emotions, or pretend that you are okay. You can show up exactly as you are.

Professional counselors are trained to help you explore the layers of your grief, including anger, guilt, confusion, fear, love, and even relief, without judgment. They can help you identify patterns that may be keeping you stuck, challenge thoughts that intensify your pain, and offer strategies for moving through grief in ways that honor both your healing and your connection to the person you lost.

Sometimes, therapy gives you words for things you did not know how to name. Other times, it gives you silence and space when words are not enough. Either way, you do not have to navigate this alone.

How to Find a Qualified Grief Therapist Near You?

When Emily died, I was so grateful I already had an established relationship with a therapist. In fact, she was one of the first people I contacted the morning she passed because I knew I would need an appointment ASAP. 

However, not everyone goes to therapy on a regular basis, and that’s okay. If you would like ti find someone, I highly recommend starting with online directories like Psychology Today or TherapyDen. Or, if you worked with a hospice center or medical facility in the time leading up to your partner’s death, they likely have services or recommendations for providers in the community. 

Regardless of how you look, you need to find a therapist who is specifically trained in grief. I also suggest asking for a free initial consultation or phone call so you can ask any questions you have or express exactly what you’re looking for. If you don’t connect with a therapist, they probably aren’t a best fit. Keep trying until you find one that seems like a good match.

How Can You Manage Common Emotional Challenges During Grief?

Healthy Ways to Cope With Sadness and Anger

Anger is normal. So is deep, aching sadness. Crying, journaling, yelling into a pillow, venting to a trusted friend, or engaging in physical activity can all help release the pressure.

If you haven’t seen wrecking journals, you should absolutely check them out. I also found axe throwing to be oddly stress-relieving, and rage rooms offer a similar release. 

How to Recognize and Handle Grief-Related Anxiety or Depression

Grief can cause anxiety about the future or trigger depressive symptoms like withdrawal or numbness. If you’re feeling hopeless or stuck in a fog for weeks on end, it’s time to seek help. These feelings are common, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through them alone.

What Practical Steps Help in Dealing With Grief Daily?

1. Create Rituals and Memorials to Support Healing

We celebrate Emily’s birthday every year with a red velvet cake and an activity she loved—such as watching her favorite movie or playing board games with the kids. These rituals are part joy, part grief, and fully sacred. They remind us that love doesn’t disappear when someone dies.

Creating your own rituals, such as lighting a candle, wearing their favorite scent, or visiting a place they loved—can help keep the connection alive.

This past October, Emily’s parents and I spent her death anniversary together. We called it “Emily Day,” and the only rule was we had to pick things we thought Emily would select throughout the day. So we grabbed coffee from a local coffee shop none of us had tried, took purple flowers to her grave, went for a lovely nature walk, enjoyed her dad’s grilled burgers for dinner, and drank some wine. I know Emily would have found it to be a beautiful tribute, and it was nice to walk through a day “in her shoes.”

2. Effectively Communicate to Share Your Grief

Letting people in is hard, especially when you fear burdening them. But grief becomes heavier when you carry it in silence. 

Try saying things like:

• “I’m having a hard day. Can you sit with me?”
• “I don’t need advice, just someone to listen.”
• “I miss her. I just needed to say that out loud.”

You don’t have to explain your grief. But naming it can help others support you more fully.

I’m very lucky to have established relationships with several of Emily’s friends. Because we have this shared loss, we all have a sort of unofficial agreement that we can text each other anytime to talk about Emily. Sometimes we share funny memories, other days one of her friends may ask me what I think Emily would say to them in a certain situation. 

No matter what we say, though, the beauty in this is that we can freely share our grief anytime with people who are not only willing to listen, but at least somewhat understand.

3. Build Gentle Routines

Grief can make even the smallest decisions feel exhausting. Establishing simple routines can help restore a sense of normalcy when everything else feels out of place. This might look like having the same morning coffee ritual, walking the dog at the same time each day, or going to bed with a calming wind-down routine.

These predictable rhythms are about creating safety for your nervous system. In the early months after losing Emily, having a few gentle routines with my kids helped me feel like I could still show up, even when I felt like I was falling apart inside.

4. Do One Small Thing Each Day That Feels Grounding

Grief is heavy, and you do not have to do all the things to survive it. Sometimes, it helps to focus on just one small, meaningful task each day. This could be something sensory or something reflective, like writing a single sentence in a journal or taking a short walk in nature.

These small acts can be lifelines on the hardest days. They are reminders that you are still here, still living, still allowed to find beauty and peace, even if only for a moment.

5. Allow Yourself Joy Without Guilt

Joy and grief are not opposites. They can live side by side, even on the same day. Allowing yourself to laugh, to smile, to enjoy something your person loved is not a betrayal. It is a way of honoring what mattered to them and what still matters to you.

Some of the most meaningful moments I’ve had since losing Emily have been full of laughter. Not because the grief was gone, but because love makes space for all of it. You do not have to earn your joy. You just have to let it in when it comes.

Finding Your Way Through Grief

Grief has a way of showing up when we least expect it… in dusty boxes, familiar songs, and quiet moments that suddenly ache. As I have learned through my own journey after losing Emily, there is no quick fix or perfect path. But there are ways to soften the sharp edges. Whether it is through journaling, connecting with others, creating rituals, or simply giving yourself permission to feel, healing happens in small and quiet steps.

If you are grieving, know this: your pain is valid, your love still matters, and you are not alone. Some days will be harder than others, but there is no shame in seeking support. You deserve to carry your grief with care and to keep moving forward in a way that honors both your loss and your life.