Tag: loss
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Because I Can’t Help But Blame Myself
Today’s therapy session really hit me hard. The part where I lost it was when I realized how little time had passed between the proposal and Emily’s death. (It was less than 3 weeks.) Regarding the timeline of our relationship, those two items rest directly next to each other — both equally impactful, yet in…
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Because She Wanted A Child
I watched our pastors baptize a precious baby today at church. I realize this is a fairly common thing that happens, and usually it’s not that big of a deal. But, as is the case with many things lately, it just hit differently today and left me desperately trying to hold back tears and hide…
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Because It Didn’t Feel Like Her Last Day
On the Monday after Thanksgiving, a three-hour car ride home from Knoxville turned into a complete breakdown for me. When I discussed this with my therapist after the fact, she mentioned that music could be a partial trigger. So, she recommended I find some podcasts to listen to during car rides for the next several…
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Because We Went To The Movies
The emotions have been all over the place this weekend. One minute I’m participating fully in the present moment, completely engaged and feeling content with life. Then, out of nowhere, the heartache and longing hit me out of nowhere and I feel my eyes fill with tears. Or, without any obvious trigger, my mind begins…
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Because I’m Struggling
If you’ve kept up with the blog thus far or know Emily and me personally, then you’re aware that we met in group therapy. Of course, the assumption underneath all of that is that Emily and I were both in group therapy because we were mentally unwell. And, as other posts have revealed, that assumption…
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Because She Mapped Out All The Adventures
Because of Emily, I enjoyed several amazing vacations and road trips throughout 2021 and 2022. And she planned them out in great detail.
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Because A Bomb Went Off
Like many other people around Middle Tennessee, the kids and I woke up to no power this morning. Due to the unusually cold temperatures, electricity usage was exceeding what TVA could provide, so they mandated rolling blackouts. Unfortunately, our local power company wasn’t prepared to turn the generators back on, so we were without power…
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Because I Loved Her Hugs
Last night I had an incredibly vivid dream. It started out like many of my dreams have since October 19: I need Emily, but I can’t find her. In last night’s variation, I was in some sort of garden or greenhouse (there were plants everywhere), and I had something I needed to show her. I…
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Because I’m Jealous… Or Something
I’ll be honest, this wasn’t the post I started writing earlier today, nor had the idea of writing a post about jealousy or envy really crossed my mind. Yet, something happened tonight that caused those exact feelings to hit me like a truck, and I knew in that moment I needed to write about it.…
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Because She Made Life Worth Living
Tonight I experienced a feeling I haven’t had in a long time. There may be a word for it, but I don’t know what it would be. The best way I could describe it is a mixture of apathy and dissociation, with a tiny bit of bitterness tossed in. At first, I thought maybe it…
Because Of Emily 