Because She Had A Big Booty

I can’t remember if I’ve shared this in a blog post yet, but I’m going to be in a fashion show. Yes, you read that correctly: the self-proclaimed “dude with boobs” is participating in a fashion show. It’s laughable, but it’s also for an important cause.

A few months ago, some of the folks at Tennessee Donor Services reached out to me about the event, and as they said, “It’s the perfect way to honor Emily.” I could just hear her voice in my ear saying, “Oooh, a fashion show! Babe, I want to do it!” So, even though I knew it would put me completely out of my comfort zone, I said yes.

Yesterday I went to the initial fitting with a mock up of the outfit. The concept is amazing: a blazer and pants (something I’d wear) with patchwork pieces of Emily all over it. However, there was one small issue with everything: I couldn’t pull up the pants all the way. While I stood there as the professor and designer discussed how she could fix the issue on the real deal, I couldn’t help but laugh and hold back tears because, out of the two of us, this was much more often an issue for Emily.

Baby Got Back

As I said, I am very much a “dude with boobs.” And, honestly, I say that for multiple reasons.

If you’ve seen me in real life at all, then you know my “vibe” involves cargo shorts or jeans paired with a graphic tee. Sometimes flannel shirts or beanies make an appearance. I almost never carry a purse, but keep a manly wallet in my pocket.

Beyond my “style,” I refer to myself as a “dude with boobs” because I pretty much have the brain of a teenage boy in terms of my sense of humor and my distractibility.

So, naturally, the first things I noticed about Emily’s physical features were her vertical challenges, her incredible smile, and… her butt.

Emily was small and petite everywhere except her derrière. It was almost laughable because it seemed so out of place on such a tiny person. But, unlike most other people I know with larger bottoms, Emily’s was mostly all muscle (thank you, dance).

The Way She Put On Pants

I could say a lot about Emily’s butt (and I may in another post related to my physical attraction to her), but what I instantly thought of during my fiasco at the fitting was Emily’s constant battle with pants.

When I put on pants, I pull them up, zip and button, then move on. Takes a few seconds and very little effort. As I quickly learned the first time I watched Emily get dressed, this wasn’t exactly the case for Emily.

I wish I had some sort of documentation, but basically she’d pull her pants up part of the way, then she’d have to do this maneuver where she’d pull one side up a bit, then the other, alternating and shifting, until the pants made their way over her butt. It was almost like a shimmy or dance of some kind. I don’t know why it amused me so much, but it did.

The “Butt Check”

My other favorite part of Emily’s daily pants on routine was what would happen after the pants were on if it was a work day for her. She’d look at me and ask how her butt looked in the pants.

Now, this wasn’t because she wanted people to pay attention to her booty. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Because of her line of work, she frequently encountered clients who had no filter, and they’d have no problem telling her exactly how her butt looked in her pants. And, as you can imagine, this made Emily extremely uncomfortable (as it would anyone). So, we’d do a “butt check” in the mornings to make sure nothing was “too good.”

Based on my reaction, Emily would either finish getting ready for work or change pants. Sometimes I’d just be like, “They’re fine.” However, there were a few occasions (especially if they were new pants) where my inability to speak words told her everything she needed to about whether that pair was “work appropriate.”

I’ll Always Laugh About Her Booty

Yesterday isn’t the first time I’ve laughed about Emily’s big booty, and it certainly won’t be the last. I know she won’t mind, because she made it the butt of her own jokes (pun intended) many times. But, hopefully she found the perfect seat for that perfect derrière in Heaven.

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